In short? Abso-posit-tively! Sexual desire fluctuates throughout our lives and is dependent on a number of variable, intersecting, and often unpredictable factors. This is as true for non-monogamous people as it is for monogamous folks.
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I've had the pleasure of knowing Mona since we worked in a domination house together back in 2013. Since then, she's skyrocketed to pornographic stardom in a time where the porn industry is struggling more than it ever has before. Don't let her flawless mainstream appearance fool you - she's as intellectual, as radical, and as queer as they come, and she's never been afraid to put her politics on full display through her work. Enjoy!
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I recently broached the topic of opening up the relationship to allow me to have purely sexual connections with women - both with him in the bedroom, and without him - and while the conversation stayed grounding and loving, it hit him hard. He’s not personally interested in hooking up with other women himself, and he’s afraid that I’ll end up falling in love with someone else.
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I will say that it's very important to make a clear distinction between the time you are "in character" as your "D/S dynamic" selves, and the time you're both just two human beings on equal footing in your "relationship dynamic". You can signal when the dynamic needs to shift - when you need to drop the power play and have a check-in around emotions or boundaries - as plainly or as subtly as you want.
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I know that for me, the more exposure and familiarity I have with my partner's wife, the more comfortable we get with one another, and the more respect we have for one another. It's this competitive "fear of the unknown" that causes our insecurities to manifest.
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One of the reasons that non-monogamy gets a bad rap is because there are lots of folks out there claiming the identity and the culture while failing to exercise the most basic of its principles: Honesty. Transparency, communication, and an ethical “do-no-harm” mindset are integral to practicing polyamory. Otherwise, what you’re doing isn’t non-monogamy; it’s being single, being slutty, “playing the field”, and/or just plain cheating.
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A few months back, my partner hypothetically posed the question of opening up our relationship. We decided that it wasn't the right time for either of us, but now I'm second guessing. This is something I actively want, but now my partner is seriously struggling with mental illness and I'm worried this will break them. How do I bring this back to the table?
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I had one poly relationship that didn't work out. It was the pairing, not the philosophy, that didn't work out. My partner was the one who introduced me to polyamory. How do you bring up this topic with a new partner?
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If you go through a break-up with your primary, how do you negotiate the suddenly less clearly defined status of your secondaries? Were they "promoted" to primary by default? How do you avoid all the heaviness that brings with it?
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